please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
