Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
