Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
