I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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