I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize