whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
