you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
