if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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