I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
