one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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