come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
