maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
