Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
