I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize