Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
