my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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