Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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