before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
