At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
