My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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