sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
