I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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