Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Houston, we have a squirter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
