You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
