He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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