1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
