Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
