He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
