i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
