Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
