You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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