Screwed.edu
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
