I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
