Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
