Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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