i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
