just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize