so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
