I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
