what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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