he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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