Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
