Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
