So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
