Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
