The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Someone signed my nipple.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
