Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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