yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Drunk is not a location!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
