Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The best revenge is premature balding
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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