I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We're too hungover to prance.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
