he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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