OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
