My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
