He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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