Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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