So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Be still, my beating vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't turn off my feet"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
