Jerry, you need to find god
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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