that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize