he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
