I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
