He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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