mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize