So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
