I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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